Tips for HALLOWEEN

It's time for my 2nd favorite holiday of the year- HALLOWEEN!!!  Although Thanksgiving takes the cake for me (food, football, accepted laziness...is there anything better???) Halloween is a close 2nd.  Dont get me wrong, I love being the best dressed member of a bitchin band 364 days a year, but its fun to be someone else for a day.  There are definitely some parameters for male costumes though.  Females, go nuts!  I have no suggestions for you because you all pretty much have it down pat.  I woulda told the ladies to avoid scary costumes, but as Gaga has shown, if your sexy you can pull off a zombie.  If your not sexy, you can dress up sexy and it will usually work.  Gents on the other hand, you can look like total toolbags if your not careful.  I know from both seeing and from personal experience.  Examples:
1) IF YOUR GONNA GO WITH A DISNEY CHARACTER, MAKE SURE ITS ONE THAT CHICKS WILL THINK IS HOT

Guys, you all know that there are certain Disney femmes that you would love to get a piece of if they were real...


Chicks are the same way.  Pick a Disney character that is a stud.  Personally, I cant pull off the cartoon look.  No one would now if I was Prince Charming or Eric from the Little Mermaid (yeah, i know his name, so what).  So I went with a real life Disney character...



Killer right!?  Every chick on the planet wants to be stuck on a desert island with Captain Jack.  Plus, its an excuse to slug rum all night.  The fact that this particular lady was my girlfriend does not discredit my theory though.  I'm pretty sure I coulda done work if I was on the prowl that night...maybe...ok prolly not but I looked like a goddamn champ! 

2)  DONT BE THAT CHEAP GUY WHO GOES WITH THE STORE BOUGHT $20 GIMMICK OUTFIT

My roommate and good friend in college went as a keg one year.  Luckily for him it was the first year that anyone in school did that so he pulled it off.  However, the next year about 10 people had the same outfit.  Not cool.  It shows a lack of creativity and laziness, which chicks DO NOT like.  It's like being a crappy dancer, and we all know what chicks compare dancing to.  In 2008, I went to the bar as MeatWad from AquaTeen Hunger Force and it was not well received if you know what I mean.  It was a crappy $20 costume I bought that day.  However, I had an excuse cuz I was at the Phillies parade all day, so I give myself a pass.  But seriously, DONT be this guy:



3) STUDY YOUR MOVIE QUOTES

When the Good Lord made me, he decided to bless me as the best at probably the most useless skill in the world - quoting movies.  I'll challenge anybody to a duel on any movie that I have seen at least twice.  I'm not proud of this, but no one will beat me.  However, the one day of the year where this gives me an advantage is Halloween.  There's nothing more annoying to a woman than a guy who repeatedly quotes movies, except when they're drunk and its halloween.  Example:



I can quote just about every line of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective and Nature Calls.  Usually it was just a good thing to pass the time in the dugout with my good friend and hetero-life partner Pete Allen.  But on Halloween, I'm considered funny and witty.  So friends, if your gonna go all out as a movie character, learn some one-liners.  If you're gonna be Ace and someone asks you if you had any trouble getting into the bar, reply with "Nooo, the man with the rubbber glove was surprisingly gentle."  If you're gonna go as Jack Sparrow and you run out of booze??- "WHY IS THE RUM GONE"  And if you're gonna go as Maverick and you walk into the bar with your buddy- "Goose, even you could get laid in a place like this."

4)  COME SEE HOTD AT BOURBON BLUE IN MANAYUNK, PA ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 29TH.  THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT!!!

Hope this was helpful friends.  I gotta run.  I'm still unemployed and Captain America just came OnDemand today.  Until next time...

-Brogan  (ii/:-)

5 Things to look forward to this Winter

By this time, I hope that most of you are over the tragedy that transpired last week.  No, I'm not talking about the death of Steve Jobs (RIP).  I'm talking about the single worst weekend in Philadelphia sports history.  I know there are more important things, but lets be honest, when you're unemployed and bored out of your mind like I am, the one thing other than music that gets you going is sports.  In case you live under a rock in the Delaware Valley, here's what you missed:

- The Phillies blew it and blew it hard.  Cliff Lee folded, Doc got zero support, Shane Victorino cares more about MMA, golf, and tweeting than taking a proper route to a fly ball, and to top it off the Big Piece made the last out yet again and did his best Brad Pitt impersonation falling helplessly to ground as his achilles ripped apart (Troy, GREAT MOVIE). 



- The Eagles suck.  Plain and simple.  It's gotten to the point where Jason Avant, our 3rd WR has to call a players only meeting.  This team has no guts.  Remember the days of Brian Dawkins, Jeremiah Trotter, Hugh Douglas, Brian Westbrook???  Those were warriors, players you wanted to cheer for because you didnt get the sense that they just played for a paycheck or to get out of debt.  I'll even throw McNabb into that mix.  Why you ask???  You try playing 3 quarters of a football game on a broken ankle as the QB.  Our current QB cant even play with a hand contusion on his NON-THROWING HAND!!!



I digress though, cuz I could go on and on about this team forever.  In an attempt to cheer you up, here's 5 things to look forward to this winter until Doc toes the rubber again in April:

1) Three words-  LET'S GO FLYERS!!!  Brogan is Flyered up early and often this year.  I love this team.  Pronger is a beast (can he play middle linebacker???), Briere has tremendous flow, our goalie cant speak because hes too busy stopping pucks, JAGR, and Richards and Carter are gone from Old City/Sea Isle forever (air pounds all around for the fellas, especially for Scotty Hartnell). 



2) Tim the "ToolMan" Taylor is back on prime time.  Everyone needs to watch Last Man Standing on ABC.  Think Home Improvement, but instead of Zachary Ty Bryan and JTT (nope, didnt even have to google that), we get 3 daughters.  And 2 of them are straight SMOKE (the other is too young for me, but perfect for your 14 year old son coming into his element).  Even the wife is an upgrade from Jill Taylor.  All around perfect comedy sitcom.  Cant wait for the inevitable Al Borland cameo.  Check it out!



3)  Season 2 of WORKAHOLICS.  I have much love for Always Sunny, but this show blows it out of the water.  When you throw 3 degenerates into a telemarketing job, equip them with a giant bear jacket, curiously hot boss, their own 3 bedroom house, and a cameo from Mark Summers of Double Dare, you have the recipe for comedic gold.  Its on every Tuesday at 10:30pm after Tosh.  Must See!



4) The Dark Knight Rises.  Yes, I know it doesnt come out till the summer, but this is the time where we will start seeing more screenshots and trailers from probably the most anticipated movie of the century.  My good friend Mr. Tierney was fortunate enough to be in Pittsburgh (screw you, we have Jagr) during filming and drove right past the BatMobile.  He immediately called me and said that he was sitting in gridlock traffic bc they were filming on a closed street.  Best traffic he's ever been in.  This movie is gonna be ridiculous and when it hits theatres hopefully Howard will be back from the DL.



5) Finally, of course I have to plug the greatest band of all-time not named HotD- Steel Panther.  Their new album "Balls Out" drops (hehehehe) on October 31st.  They'll be playing the TLA in Philly on Jan 5th, and also in NYC the night before.  We'll be opening up for them on the 5th...ok that was a lie, but we will be in the crowd.  I'll literally be dragging Scotty away from his wife and children that night to ensure that he attends. 



Bonus:  We'll be at Manayunk Brew Pu, Bourbon Blue, and Alibi's in West Chester monthly starting in December.  Nothing gets you through a cold winter like some piping HotD.  Comin in HOT!!!

- Brogan  (ii/:-)