Tips for HALLOWEEN

It's time for my 2nd favorite holiday of the year- HALLOWEEN!!!  Although Thanksgiving takes the cake for me (food, football, accepted laziness...is there anything better???) Halloween is a close 2nd.  Dont get me wrong, I love being the best dressed member of a bitchin band 364 days a year, but its fun to be someone else for a day.  There are definitely some parameters for male costumes though.  Females, go nuts!  I have no suggestions for you because you all pretty much have it down pat.  I woulda told the ladies to avoid scary costumes, but as Gaga has shown, if your sexy you can pull off a zombie.  If your not sexy, you can dress up sexy and it will usually work.  Gents on the other hand, you can look like total toolbags if your not careful.  I know from both seeing and from personal experience.  Examples:
1) IF YOUR GONNA GO WITH A DISNEY CHARACTER, MAKE SURE ITS ONE THAT CHICKS WILL THINK IS HOT

Guys, you all know that there are certain Disney femmes that you would love to get a piece of if they were real...


Chicks are the same way.  Pick a Disney character that is a stud.  Personally, I cant pull off the cartoon look.  No one would now if I was Prince Charming or Eric from the Little Mermaid (yeah, i know his name, so what).  So I went with a real life Disney character...



Killer right!?  Every chick on the planet wants to be stuck on a desert island with Captain Jack.  Plus, its an excuse to slug rum all night.  The fact that this particular lady was my girlfriend does not discredit my theory though.  I'm pretty sure I coulda done work if I was on the prowl that night...maybe...ok prolly not but I looked like a goddamn champ! 

2)  DONT BE THAT CHEAP GUY WHO GOES WITH THE STORE BOUGHT $20 GIMMICK OUTFIT

My roommate and good friend in college went as a keg one year.  Luckily for him it was the first year that anyone in school did that so he pulled it off.  However, the next year about 10 people had the same outfit.  Not cool.  It shows a lack of creativity and laziness, which chicks DO NOT like.  It's like being a crappy dancer, and we all know what chicks compare dancing to.  In 2008, I went to the bar as MeatWad from AquaTeen Hunger Force and it was not well received if you know what I mean.  It was a crappy $20 costume I bought that day.  However, I had an excuse cuz I was at the Phillies parade all day, so I give myself a pass.  But seriously, DONT be this guy:



3) STUDY YOUR MOVIE QUOTES

When the Good Lord made me, he decided to bless me as the best at probably the most useless skill in the world - quoting movies.  I'll challenge anybody to a duel on any movie that I have seen at least twice.  I'm not proud of this, but no one will beat me.  However, the one day of the year where this gives me an advantage is Halloween.  There's nothing more annoying to a woman than a guy who repeatedly quotes movies, except when they're drunk and its halloween.  Example:



I can quote just about every line of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective and Nature Calls.  Usually it was just a good thing to pass the time in the dugout with my good friend and hetero-life partner Pete Allen.  But on Halloween, I'm considered funny and witty.  So friends, if your gonna go all out as a movie character, learn some one-liners.  If you're gonna be Ace and someone asks you if you had any trouble getting into the bar, reply with "Nooo, the man with the rubbber glove was surprisingly gentle."  If you're gonna go as Jack Sparrow and you run out of booze??- "WHY IS THE RUM GONE"  And if you're gonna go as Maverick and you walk into the bar with your buddy- "Goose, even you could get laid in a place like this."

4)  COME SEE HOTD AT BOURBON BLUE IN MANAYUNK, PA ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 29TH.  THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT!!!

Hope this was helpful friends.  I gotta run.  I'm still unemployed and Captain America just came OnDemand today.  Until next time...

-Brogan  (ii/:-)