Well, the time has come to get back to the “Real World.” As I’ve stated a few times before, I’ve been on the unemployment shelf since the end of September. As I prepare to offer myself back up to the MAN, I cant help but reflect on some things I’ve learned in the past 2 months of being a bum. To commemorate this occasion, I decided to compose 2 lists for you to peruse. Top 5 Best Things About Being Unemployed, and the Top 5 Worst Things About Being Unemployed. First off, the Worst…
WORST THINGS ABOUT BEING UNEMPLOYED:
1) Slopping ability goes down the drain
When I had a day job, I had every excuse in the world to go out during lunch and just feast on whatever I wanted. Chinese buffet, various Mexican establishments (none compared to La Salsa), Sushi, the Deli on 4th (Conshy shout-out), and of course Wing-It Wednesdays. When your unemployed, the funds don’t exist to go slop on a daily basis anymore. I found myself going back to the well- Subway. Subway and I have an interesting relationship, sorta like that girl you really like, but will never commit to. My heart belongs to Subway, but my tummy is community property.
2) The Second Week
The first week of unemployment isn’t bad. You’re still getting paid, and you don’t have to get up and go to work. It’s basically like the middle of Office Space. You sleep till whenever you want, don’t feel guilty about it, and then just prance around the town with a big smile on your face. However, during the second week reality starts to kick in. “Shit, I’m not gonna have money soon, I gotta find another job quick.” It’s during this point that everyone finds it a convenient time to ask you what you do for a living, even though they’ve known you for years and probably already know. Then you have to go through the whole story of why your not working without sounding like a bum.
3) ESPN First Take
It’s no secret that daytime TV for males in their 20’s is terrible. But amplify that with the fact that I have to watch Skip Bayless on a daily basis suck off Tony Romo and try to convince the world that Tim Tebow is an adequate quarterback. I can only watch SportsCenter so many times, and its not like theres much quality sports activity in Philly these days. Seriously, I’d rather watch Ruben Amaro have lunch than watch the Eagles play on Sundays
4) Twitter / Facebook
Since there is nothing on TV, I found myself being on Twitter and Facebook WAAAAAY TOOOO MUCH. And what do those two things remind an unemployed person of???- The fact that all your friends are working. There are no interesting updates on Facebook, and every tweet I see is just one of my friends bitching/bragging about their job. Note to Tweeters- Unless you’re a celebrity, athlete, or rockstar, I don’t care how your day at work was. And rockstars, don’t tweet about how tired you are from recording in the studio or playing a show in Europe. God dealt you a royal flush upon birth, I get it.
5) Your Inner Clock…
Is completely EFFed in the worst way. There is no reason to go to bed early, so when the time comes to wake up early again, your screwed. Waking up at 9am feels like pulling yourself of the tracks after a freight train just ran you over. Thank God for coffee
BEST THINGS ABOUT UNEMPLOYMENT
1) Catching up on / Getting into a TV Series
Free time is abundant. Use it to catch up on some shows, or find some new ones. I recently got into Homeland on Showtime. Awesome show, even though I’m no fan of Clare Danes. I also started up on Mad Men. I used to wish I grew up in the 80’s, but living in the 50’s woulda been pretty sick too. Those guys literally do nothing all day except drink, womanize, and pretend to work. Sign me up. I also re-discovered an old fave of mine – The Maury Show. As my roommate can attest to, I watched Maury just about every day, multiple times (its on at 10, 12, and 3). It just doesn’t get any better than paternity tests. Being the male I am, my favorite is always the one where the girl is just a psycho bitch insisting that the dude is her “baby-daddy.” The girl usually has her mom there with her, insulting the guy as he pleads his innocence and insisting that he used countermeasures. “In the case of baby Darrell… Tony…. YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!!” Girl runs away crying, mom sits dumbfounded, and dude runs into the crowd getting high-fives (Kess) from all the guys like he just hit a walk-off in Game 7. Air pounds all around for the male species.
2) The Gym is doable
The last thing I wanted to do after 10 hours in an office was go to the gym and work out. But when your unemployed, it passes the time and you feel like your actually doing something with your life. It also makes you feel less guilty when you scrounge up enough dough to hit up Chipotle. Always try and get a treadmill in the back, cuz God made black spandex for a reason.
3) Storage Wars
Going along with my TV series theme, I had to include this as its own category. If your like me, your thinking how could a show about dudes bidding on storage lockers be interesting. The answer is I have no clue, but it is. This show is my new favorite, and its on late so I was able to discover it. It basically follows these 4 guys who go around purchasing storage lockers that are past their payments, and are subsequently auctioned off. One guy made $25,000 on a locker filled with vending machines. Not bad for a day’s work.
4) Sundays are SOOO MUCH BETTERRR
Especially with this football team, I cant imagine how some of you are doing Mondays. Being unemployed has really helped me deal with the Eagles’ inability to win games. After they lose, “O well, I’ll just sleep through the Andy Reid press conference tomorrow. I actually thought about taking up a profession as a corner back recently. I mean if Namdi Asomwahhhhh can get 60 mill for letting people run past him, I would fit the bill perfectly.
5) Plenty of time to practice!
Much like the gym, after a day of work, hooking up my pedals, amp, and bass seemed like such a process. Pathetic, I know. But not when your unemployed! Its easy, and thus I was able to get some extra practice in, and by practice I mean playing behind my head and learning solos that I will most likely never play live. Just in case I get a call from Avenged Sevenfold asking me to audition for them in the future. You can never be too prepared!!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Can't Think of a Title, I'm too disgusted
Well, I was hoping to write a cheesy, funny entry tonight about how much i can't stand the show "How to Make it in America", but yet cant stop watching it. I also wanted to write about Joe Frazier, a Philly legend and warrior in the ring who recently passed. Unfortunately, I just got done reading the Grand Jury Report of Jerry Sandusky and I really cant contain myself. I really wish I had one of those "talk and type" things cuz i'm just ready to fire.
Back in 2004, I really really really wanted to go to Penn State. I applied, wrote the essay, and had pretty decent grades to get in. I told my dad that I didnt want to go anywhere but main campus. However, dear ole dad thought it would be smart to put that i'd attend a satellite, thinking it would increase my odds of getting in. WRONG! Not only did i get accepted to Mount Alto!!! but the letter came on Christmas Eve. So you could say i have a bias against PSU, but i ended up going to Fairfield University, having the time of my life, had a beach house senior year, and made some of the best friends of my life. So you could say i forgave PSU and thought they were merely looking out for my best interests. BOY WAS I RIGHT!!!
After reading this report, I am amazed that i didnt vomit the king size reese's bar i just ate. Honestly, I thought Human Centipede was the most horrifying thing in the world, but this takes the cake by lightyears. The report starts out explaining how the grad student (McQuery) witnessed the sexual abuse (thats putting it lightly considering what happened) and reported it to his father, the police, and Joe Paterno. Paterno took it up the ranks to Curly and Schultz (if i get the names wrong i apologize, but i just cant go back a read that again so im going on memory). Paterno told them what the grad student saw, so they were aware that Sandusky had literally just sexually assaulted and molested a child. They reported it, and then later denied it to authorities. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!! They swept it under the rug and all they did was ban Sandusky from bringing kids on campus anymore. Thats like me robbing a bank at gunpoint, taking the money, spending all of it, and then having the cops come to my door and tell me that i simply cannot go back to that bank. The report then goes on to explicitly detail 8 different victims' experiences with Sandusky. How he (let me put this in lamens terms) touched, spooned, massaged, 69'ed, showered and had every type of sex possible with 10-14 year old boys throughout the span of over a decade.
This is an utter disgrace. This makes Reggie Bush and Tyrell Pryor look like saints. Al Golden is stuck in the shithole program of Miami right now thanking God that JoePa didnt step down earlier and hes not in this mess. Who cares if an agent takes some guys out on a yacht. I really dont. This is tremendously different on all levels, and the bottom line is that Curly, Schultz, the suceeded president who i cant remember right now, and YES, EVEN JOE PATERNO swept it under the rug. I dont care how many kids he graduated, how many national titles he had, how many undefeated seasons he had, it's disgraceful and unforgivable.
My roommate and his girlfriend are PSU grads. I have a number of friends who are PSU grads. I honestly feel terrible for them that their Alma Mater is now forever associated with this dispicable event. I feel bad for the players, past and present, who are scarred (undeservedly so) by this event. But most of all, I feel awful for the victims who's lives were stolen from them. What sick individual not only does this, but creates a charity to mask his sick and twisted hobbies of destruction and perversion. I'll tell you what kind of individual- A MONSTER.
Again, I was hoping to write something witty and funny to (hopefully) make you laugh, but since I have this tiny soapbox to chime out on, I just had to. I usually make stupid comments about stuff I know nothing about, but after reading that report... there are no words. Sandusky is a monster and deserves to spend the rest of his days in a 8x8 cell till he dies. Curly, Schultz, and (i got it now) Spanier deserve to go to jail as well. And Joe Pa... well, I do not believe Joe is a monster. I dont believe he is a sociopath. Joe is a great coach. He is a great motivator. But unfortunately, he is also a coward. And if anyone doesn't think so, you're blind and naive.
If you would like to discuss further or disagree with my assessment, please come to the Manayunk Brewery this Saturday Night. I'll be the jackass with the fedora on.
(ii/:-(
Back in 2004, I really really really wanted to go to Penn State. I applied, wrote the essay, and had pretty decent grades to get in. I told my dad that I didnt want to go anywhere but main campus. However, dear ole dad thought it would be smart to put that i'd attend a satellite, thinking it would increase my odds of getting in. WRONG! Not only did i get accepted to Mount Alto!!! but the letter came on Christmas Eve. So you could say i have a bias against PSU, but i ended up going to Fairfield University, having the time of my life, had a beach house senior year, and made some of the best friends of my life. So you could say i forgave PSU and thought they were merely looking out for my best interests. BOY WAS I RIGHT!!!
After reading this report, I am amazed that i didnt vomit the king size reese's bar i just ate. Honestly, I thought Human Centipede was the most horrifying thing in the world, but this takes the cake by lightyears. The report starts out explaining how the grad student (McQuery) witnessed the sexual abuse (thats putting it lightly considering what happened) and reported it to his father, the police, and Joe Paterno. Paterno took it up the ranks to Curly and Schultz (if i get the names wrong i apologize, but i just cant go back a read that again so im going on memory). Paterno told them what the grad student saw, so they were aware that Sandusky had literally just sexually assaulted and molested a child. They reported it, and then later denied it to authorities. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!! They swept it under the rug and all they did was ban Sandusky from bringing kids on campus anymore. Thats like me robbing a bank at gunpoint, taking the money, spending all of it, and then having the cops come to my door and tell me that i simply cannot go back to that bank. The report then goes on to explicitly detail 8 different victims' experiences with Sandusky. How he (let me put this in lamens terms) touched, spooned, massaged, 69'ed, showered and had every type of sex possible with 10-14 year old boys throughout the span of over a decade.
This is an utter disgrace. This makes Reggie Bush and Tyrell Pryor look like saints. Al Golden is stuck in the shithole program of Miami right now thanking God that JoePa didnt step down earlier and hes not in this mess. Who cares if an agent takes some guys out on a yacht. I really dont. This is tremendously different on all levels, and the bottom line is that Curly, Schultz, the suceeded president who i cant remember right now, and YES, EVEN JOE PATERNO swept it under the rug. I dont care how many kids he graduated, how many national titles he had, how many undefeated seasons he had, it's disgraceful and unforgivable.
My roommate and his girlfriend are PSU grads. I have a number of friends who are PSU grads. I honestly feel terrible for them that their Alma Mater is now forever associated with this dispicable event. I feel bad for the players, past and present, who are scarred (undeservedly so) by this event. But most of all, I feel awful for the victims who's lives were stolen from them. What sick individual not only does this, but creates a charity to mask his sick and twisted hobbies of destruction and perversion. I'll tell you what kind of individual- A MONSTER.
Again, I was hoping to write something witty and funny to (hopefully) make you laugh, but since I have this tiny soapbox to chime out on, I just had to. I usually make stupid comments about stuff I know nothing about, but after reading that report... there are no words. Sandusky is a monster and deserves to spend the rest of his days in a 8x8 cell till he dies. Curly, Schultz, and (i got it now) Spanier deserve to go to jail as well. And Joe Pa... well, I do not believe Joe is a monster. I dont believe he is a sociopath. Joe is a great coach. He is a great motivator. But unfortunately, he is also a coward. And if anyone doesn't think so, you're blind and naive.
If you would like to discuss further or disagree with my assessment, please come to the Manayunk Brewery this Saturday Night. I'll be the jackass with the fedora on.
(ii/:-(
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Top 10 Albums you need to physically own...
I figured I'd get back to the music side of things this week. Today, two of my favorite bands (Steel Panther and MegaDeth) had new albums come out. This rarely happens since I am rather narrow-minded about music (to a fault that I'm trying to correct). Since my computer crashed a few weeks ago and I havent gotten around to uploading my iTunes library back on, I decided to go galavanting around Chester County looking for places that sell CDs (remember those everybody???). I used to go to Coconuts in Exton to buy all my CDs back in the day. However, they went out of business along with FYE, SamGoody, and just about every other music store. As a result, the music industry is dying a slow death. That's why I'm in a cover band!!! Remember when everyone wanted to kill Lars Ulrich for going after Napster??? Although I didnt feel bad at all for him and my favorite band, you gotta admit he saw it all coming. But I cant really complain, because I myself have downloaded my share of songs from Limewire (Lars, dont sue me, I bought every one of your CDs legally, cross my heart). But I gotta admit that I do miss walking through the record store and physically purchasing CDs. But that time is long gone, as I witnessed firsthand today. Instead of driving to Coconuts and buying both new CDs, I had to drive around for an hour and a half to Best Buy and Barnes n Noble because neither had both albums. Best Buy had 2 copies of the new MegaDeth, and Barnes had 1 copy of Steel Panther. I also had to search for these instead of walking right up to the NEW section. Being as it may, I started thinking of the albums I have on CD and the ones of the bands that I would actually still go out and buy today despite the convenience of iTunes. CDs still sound better quality-wise. Here's my list of the top 10 albums that every Rock/Pop fan should physically own, IMO of course. As I stated before, I'm a bit narrow-minded, but I'll try and diversify for you. See if you agree:
10) Pink Floyd - The Wall
I'm not the biggest Pink Floyd fanatic, but I have heard most of this album and it is a must to own. I mean come on, it's The Wall!
9) Van Halen - Van Halen
This is more my style. This was a ground-breaking album for rock, pop, catchy tunes, just about everything. Classics like Running with the Devil, You Really Got Me, Jamie's Cryin, and Ain't Talkin Bout Love are revolutionary. Also the entire album was recorded live in the studio, something that doesnt really exist anymore. And even Jimi Hendrix woulda creamed his pants if he could've heard Eruption.
8) Tom Petty - Greatest Hits
I cant name one Petty album in particular. The dude has way too many good songs to simplify into one album. Probably one of the catchiest song writers of all-time. Blasting this on a sunny day in the car will make you smile, even if your girlfriend just left you for your bass player.
7) Notorious BIG - Live After Death
Ok Ok, I dont like rap, but I did buy this album back in the day when I was a confused yoot, but I still pop it in once in awhile. Like every rap album, you probably only listen to 5 songs since the other 7 are usually random sounds and remixes of songs you already heard 10 minutes ago, but this album is pretty kick ass. Hypnotize is timeless and Back to Cali is another personal fave. And you know you got pumped when Mo Money hit the speakers at your middle school dance (College for Scott and Andy).
6) Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II
I was gonna go with LZ IV, but every musician knows the rules of the Guitar store... NO STAIRWAY!!! This one actually has more recognizable LZ tunes - Whole Lotta Love, Heartbreaker, The Lemon Song, and Ramble On are straight FIRE!!!
5) Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
This is one of my favorite albums of all-time. If you dont like the Boss, then you're clearly a Communist and need to get the hell out. Start to finish, you never need to hit the NEXT button. Thunder Road, Tenth Avenue, Night, Backstreets, the title track, and of course the epic ending Jungleland. Classic album and Sprinsteen's best ever, no question.
4) Metallica - Metallica (The Black Album)
I would personally put Master of Puppets on here, but The Black Album was a landmark album not only for metal, but hard rock music. Metallica went with a new producer and turned from mid-level metalheads into arena-filling superstars. The first track Enter Sandman is there most recognizable song to date and is played at every single sporting event in the world. That combined with a more radio-friendly song writing structure took them to the next level. Plus theres a cool bass solo in the second to last song! It is also still the highest selling album in the soundscan era.
3) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
I have to battle my own emotions by not putting Blood Sugar Sex Magik here, but I cant deny the complete package of Californication. From the opening bass distortion riff of Around the World, to the ending acoustic ballad Road Trippin, There's about 8 number 1 singles in there. It also marked the return of John Frusciante on guitar which threw them in a completely different direction musically. High points are Scartissue, Otherside, the title track, Easily, and I Like Dirt... and the rest of the songs!
2) Michael Jackson - Thriller
The highest selling album of all time and when MJ was still cool. Nobody knew that he was a pedophile yet and he didnt creepily turn white yet. The title track, Beat It, and Billy Jean would probably still sell a gazillion copies if they were the only ones on the CD.
Again, as I mentioned before I am a hard rock fan. Some folks may disagree with my #1, but in my opinion this is the greatest album every created in Rock music. Start to finish there is not one mediocre or "decent" song. It is all perfect, catchy, and contains a handful of songs still played regularly on radio, at sporting events, and on video games. The guitar player is recognizable to even the most novice music-goers. The singer is a nutjob asshole, but hes got the most recognizable voice in rock history and a octave range that makes Robert Plant jealous. And the rest of the band is pretty f*cking good too. Without further ass-kissing on my part, I give you my greatest album of all-time and one that everyone who likes music (so EVERYONE) should own....
1) Guns N Roses - Appetite for Destruction
High points are the whole album. Starts with the massive Welcome to the Jungle. Then... It's So Easy, Nightrain, Out ta Get Me, Mr Brownstone, Paradise City, My Michelle, Think About You, Sweet Child of Mine, You're Crazy, Anything Goes, and my darkhorse favorite Rocket Queen. It's just too bad we'll never see them play it live ever.
(ii/:-)
10) Pink Floyd - The Wall
I'm not the biggest Pink Floyd fanatic, but I have heard most of this album and it is a must to own. I mean come on, it's The Wall!
9) Van Halen - Van Halen
This is more my style. This was a ground-breaking album for rock, pop, catchy tunes, just about everything. Classics like Running with the Devil, You Really Got Me, Jamie's Cryin, and Ain't Talkin Bout Love are revolutionary. Also the entire album was recorded live in the studio, something that doesnt really exist anymore. And even Jimi Hendrix woulda creamed his pants if he could've heard Eruption.
8) Tom Petty - Greatest Hits
I cant name one Petty album in particular. The dude has way too many good songs to simplify into one album. Probably one of the catchiest song writers of all-time. Blasting this on a sunny day in the car will make you smile, even if your girlfriend just left you for your bass player.
7) Notorious BIG - Live After Death
Ok Ok, I dont like rap, but I did buy this album back in the day when I was a confused yoot, but I still pop it in once in awhile. Like every rap album, you probably only listen to 5 songs since the other 7 are usually random sounds and remixes of songs you already heard 10 minutes ago, but this album is pretty kick ass. Hypnotize is timeless and Back to Cali is another personal fave. And you know you got pumped when Mo Money hit the speakers at your middle school dance (College for Scott and Andy).
6) Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II
I was gonna go with LZ IV, but every musician knows the rules of the Guitar store... NO STAIRWAY!!! This one actually has more recognizable LZ tunes - Whole Lotta Love, Heartbreaker, The Lemon Song, and Ramble On are straight FIRE!!!
5) Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
This is one of my favorite albums of all-time. If you dont like the Boss, then you're clearly a Communist and need to get the hell out. Start to finish, you never need to hit the NEXT button. Thunder Road, Tenth Avenue, Night, Backstreets, the title track, and of course the epic ending Jungleland. Classic album and Sprinsteen's best ever, no question.
4) Metallica - Metallica (The Black Album)
I would personally put Master of Puppets on here, but The Black Album was a landmark album not only for metal, but hard rock music. Metallica went with a new producer and turned from mid-level metalheads into arena-filling superstars. The first track Enter Sandman is there most recognizable song to date and is played at every single sporting event in the world. That combined with a more radio-friendly song writing structure took them to the next level. Plus theres a cool bass solo in the second to last song! It is also still the highest selling album in the soundscan era.
3) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
I have to battle my own emotions by not putting Blood Sugar Sex Magik here, but I cant deny the complete package of Californication. From the opening bass distortion riff of Around the World, to the ending acoustic ballad Road Trippin, There's about 8 number 1 singles in there. It also marked the return of John Frusciante on guitar which threw them in a completely different direction musically. High points are Scartissue, Otherside, the title track, Easily, and I Like Dirt... and the rest of the songs!
2) Michael Jackson - Thriller
The highest selling album of all time and when MJ was still cool. Nobody knew that he was a pedophile yet and he didnt creepily turn white yet. The title track, Beat It, and Billy Jean would probably still sell a gazillion copies if they were the only ones on the CD.
Again, as I mentioned before I am a hard rock fan. Some folks may disagree with my #1, but in my opinion this is the greatest album every created in Rock music. Start to finish there is not one mediocre or "decent" song. It is all perfect, catchy, and contains a handful of songs still played regularly on radio, at sporting events, and on video games. The guitar player is recognizable to even the most novice music-goers. The singer is a nutjob asshole, but hes got the most recognizable voice in rock history and a octave range that makes Robert Plant jealous. And the rest of the band is pretty f*cking good too. Without further ass-kissing on my part, I give you my greatest album of all-time and one that everyone who likes music (so EVERYONE) should own....
1) Guns N Roses - Appetite for Destruction
High points are the whole album. Starts with the massive Welcome to the Jungle. Then... It's So Easy, Nightrain, Out ta Get Me, Mr Brownstone, Paradise City, My Michelle, Think About You, Sweet Child of Mine, You're Crazy, Anything Goes, and my darkhorse favorite Rocket Queen. It's just too bad we'll never see them play it live ever.
(ii/:-)
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