Flo Must Go, and take the Hamsters with ya!
I’ve always disliked the Progressive Insurance commercials. Initially, it was bc of their annoying jingles. That was until they introduced Flo. I dream to have those jingles back now. Flo is about as cool as AIDS, and I’m not talking about Magic Johnson AIDS. I’m talking Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, sitting on the witness stand with Denzel strolling around the courtroom full-blown AIDS. Get rid of her now. That goes for the KIA hamsters too. Small hamsters in cages running on circular treadmills is cute. Giant, fat hamsters driving ugly cars and dancing to LMFAO are annoying and stupid to the 10th degree. My dream commercial idea, and I’m looking at you right now Xbox- Halo 4 is coming out next year. Just like the current KIA commercial, start the ad out with the fat hamsters dancing to Party Rock with a bunch of alien robots. Have Master Chief walk up to them , start dancing, then murk them all with his dual-wielding plasma rifles. Top it off with Arbiter decapitating the last hamster with his sword. Go to black. Sales will quadruple.
Dan LeBatard is Highly Questionable
This is hands down the worst show on TV right now. When I used to watch PTI religiously, it would ruin my night to find out that Dan LeBatard was filling in for Kornheiser. The guy just radiates doucheiness. But giving him his own show??? Come on ESPN, you’re better than that. All his show consists of is him and his father sitting on a TV set made to look like a kitchen while they talk about sports topics. Here’s the problem tho. Not only does his dad know absolutely nothing about sports, but you cant understand a word he says bc hes straight off the boat Hispanic. Couple that in with all the awkward silences that ensue due to their lack of knowledge, and its more uncomfortable for the viewer than that first date you went on in middle school. You know, the one where you take the girl who’s clearly out of your league to a movie, throw the arm around her, but begin to lose feeling in the arm due to the unwise position you chose. Now what do you do? Do you squirm and adjust, do you man up and leave it alone, or do u go for broke and initiate the “over the line” makeout session that will give you an opportunity to make that little adjustment and restore feeling to your bicep. Either way, the show is terrible and needs to get canceled.
The Kardasians:
I get it, it takes no talent to become famous anymore and theres a billion reality shows on now, but this is getting completely out of hand. I like to refer to the 3 sisters as “Pig-Nose,” “Amazon Woman”, and “Ass.” I give Bruce Jenner credit for not blowing his head off years ago. It’s one thing if your own daughters turn out to be whooo-ORES, but willingly staying with them when you are clearly more talented and important takes balls. And who is this colossal prick who is on-again off-again with Pig-Nose all the time? Everytime I walk into WAWA and look at the tabloid covers, hes on there apparently cheating or whatnot. Stop flirting with the EJECT button bro. Hit the switch, watch the canopy, and make sure the green smoke comes out so coast guard can find you. And by coast guard I mean any dumb chick at a bar who watches this crap and knows who you are. And what is wrong with Lamar Odom??? Maybe he saw the NBA strike coming and needed to up his celebrity status, but come on man. You’re a star athlete and you’ve broken not 1, but 2 golden rules: not only did you get married, but you married an ogre. Shame on you. The only positive thing about this show is that I get to stare at Kim’s bodacious bubble-butt for a whole 30 minutes…. Eskimotube only has her for 15 minutes in night-vision, and thanks to Ray J, you can barely get a good shot. Selfish bastard.
The NBA-
…….Dammit. Lost that battle already.
How to Make it in America-
BOOM!!! Score one for the good guys. That show was crap. GAME OF THRONES in 2012 BABAAYYYY!!!
Girls taking pictures of themselves in the mirror-
Taking a pic of yourself and a friend is acceptable. Even taking one of yourself is tolerable in small doses. But repeatedly posting a pic of yourself in the mirror with the camera phone in the shot is tacky and kinda sad. Get over yourself.
Girls unrelentingly posting about how great their boyfriend is-
I should state this more clearly. I don’t have a problem with a girl liking her boyfriend. But guys, how do you allow this behavior to continue. I’m happy that your woman isn’t two-timing you and LOOOOOVES YOUUUUU SOOOOO MUUUUUCH, but honestly no one on facebook needs to be reminded of this every single day. Special occasions, knock yourself out. Anniversary, go for it. But every single day during the month of June when there is literally no special holiday, NO. I urge my fellow gentlemen to stop these posts immediately.
Foursquare
Creeping used to be an art form. You check out the cute girl from class’ facebook photos in stealth mode, figure out her personality, check the old AOL away messages to find out her usual hangouts, then you make your move for the planned “random run-in.” Foursquare ruins this. Telling everyone where you are at every moment in the day just isn’t as fun. And honestly, its pretty dangerous. It attracts stalkers, and Stalking is completely different than Creeping. Creeping is gathering info on a prospective female and giving yourself an advantage to move in. Stalking is mental instability.
HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AT ALIBI’S IN WEST CHESTER TONIGHT FOR A “HOT D” NYE CELEBRATION. SHOW STARTS AT 10, THE FUNNELS START AT 8.
HAPPY NEW YEAR D-Bags and D-Vaas!!!
-Brogan
No comments:
Post a Comment