Before I start, I want to say for the record that this blogger site is tremendously effed up and the layout is going to look awful. Also, as I've stated in previous posts, adults have taken over facebook so now my whole family basically has access to this blog, so please forgive me for being more PG-rated. I just really dont feel like taking crap at the next family get-together. I already got enough from my performance at my cousin's wedding 2 years ago. Those of you who know me, just use your imagination. And with that, We're OFF!!! In the semi-words of the great Harry Doyle from Major League, "In case you havent noticed, and judging from the amount followers i have, you havent!," this section of Hot D's webpage is basically a megaphone for me to express my displeasure with certain topics/people of this world. I promise, I'm not really as cynical as I appear on paper... ok, I'm tremendously cycnical!! So right now I want to discuss a frustration that has been eating away at me for the past 2 weeks now... my complete and utter disdain for Fat Free Ranch dressing. Ridiculous topic??? Perhaps, but important nonetheless. Let's be clear, there are few things in this world that are as flawless as Ranch dressing. It makes just about everything better! Pizza?? Hell yeah!! Burgers?? You're goddamn right it does!! Doritos?? SCHWINNNNNNNG!! But Fat Free Ranch dressing??? Quite possibly the worst tasting thing on planet Earth. Now what got me thinking about this topic was my cafeteria at work. Apparently the folks who run the eatery were bought out and the new company has revamped the menu quite a bit. For the most part, I've been quite pleased with the additions. For example, they did throw us slophouses a bone by installing a hot dog maker, a new daily dessert, and touch screen ordering devices ala Wawa. However, they have done away with the handy Ken's dressing packets that accompanied the salad section. They used to have a nice assortment of choices, such as Blue Cheese, Thousand island, and the often underrated Parmesan Peppercorn. Nowadays, its tubberware bottles with only 5 daily options. Not only did they completely eliminate Blue Cheese altogether, but they got rid of Standard Ranch!!! What kind of world are we living in where a man cant enjoy a delicious taco salad (get your mind out of the gutter gents) without a pint of Hidden Valley draped over it??? All they have is this Fat Free crap that would even make Sasha Grey gag. And come on people, how am I supposed to eat a BLUE CHEESE wedge without BLUE CHEESE DRESSING??? Outrageous!! Inexcusable!!! Ughh, anyways, I'm off my pulpit for now. As Lindsay Logue (wife of guitarist Jack Logue) put it to me this past weekend, "Pat, this is a First World problem. It's not the end of the world." Well Lindz, you're right. It is a First World problem. But last time I checked I live in America, which I consider First World, and this problem needs to be solved. Solution: I'm loading up on Hidden Valley and being that guy who brings his own dressing to work. Footnote: Lindsay is gonna straight murder me for not including her maiden name :)

Well it's been awhile...

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Greetings Tweeps!

I’m gonna try and write this blog, but it may take awhile since I’m very into this Rangers-Capitals game right now. Don’t worry, I hate both teams, but unlike most of the Philadelphia population, I want the Rangers in the conference finals. I have too many friends from the Stagdome days that are Rangers fans, and I could use a break from their friendship for a week or two. L-O-L Pete… L-O-L. Anyways, its hard to think of blogging topics these days, what with my extensive softball/baseball schedule and all. But I finally thought of one the other day at work. I was taking my daily 5-20 minute break (depending on what was for lunch that day) and something hit me. Back in the day when I would “retire” to the male sanctuary, I would likely enjoy a nice game of Brickbreaker, check the ole facebook page, or maybe some Angry Birds (I discovered this like 2 years after the rest of the world. Great game). If I hit up Chipotle that day, I’d usually have enough time to get through an entire Bill Simmons article. In case there’s actually a female reading this, his articles are like A MILLION PAGES. But I noticed this time that I had spent the whole time just cruising around the world that is Twitter. And that’s when I fully realized that for multiple reasons, I like Twitter SOO MUCH MORE than Facebook.

Now I was once one of those guys who said that Twitter was stupid. Seriously, why did I need it??? All my friends were on facebook and the only athletes I thought were on it were NBA players. Then I started hanging out with a certain female who swore by it. Constantly on the damn thing, and I just did not get it. Long story short, she convinced me to sign up for it and started the intense coaching process. “What the hell is this number sign thingy?” id ask. “That’s how you categorize what your talking about.” Ooooook….whatever that means. I didn’t touch the thing for like 3 weeks. I started to fiddle with it a bit and started to notice that a lot of my favorite athletes were on it, as well as musicians. Naturally I started following Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. One day he tweeted that he was raising money for a music school he founded, and the next 20 people who went to his website and donated $20 would received a signed tshirt from him. Being the pepper-nut I am, I swiftly logged on, threw 20 bones his way, and hoped to hear back. Sure enough, an hour later I had an email in my inbox thanking me for my donation and informing me that I would be receiving a tshirt. I was pretty pumped, but not sold yet. What are the odds that id actually get the shirt. Well, turns out they were good, cuz 2 weeks later I had this…

I also used Twitter to communicate with my favorite “new” band, Steel Panther. Prior to seeing them live in Philly one night, I tweeted a rather amusing line to the drummer and guitar player. With the help of my trusty comrade Ian (he literally ate a beer can after the show, prompting the support band to give us backstage passes) we found ourselves backstage after the concert. We started talking to Stixx (the drummer of Steel Panther) and I said that I was the guy who tweeted him that joke. He said that they loved it and we ended up slugging BLs with them after the show. Can facebook do that??? The answer is no. I think the fact that Ian is a veteran helped our cause, but whatever, we partied!!

I did pull a major violation on my 25th bday though. I asked Duff McKagan of Guns n Roses for a happy bday tweet. I’m not proud of this, but he responded, so yeah, I am kinda proud of it. #getonmylevel I also received one of the treasured “Direct Messages” from Chad Smith, drummer from the Chili Peppers, last weekend. After I asked him why they never play anything from their first 4 albums, he politely informed me that they were playing 2 in every set. Apologies Chad. My B. Must give credit where credit is due. @trrubeey, thank you!!! Another reason Twitter crushes Zuckerberger’s creation is the limit on characters you can tweet. At first, I thought it was annoying that I could only type out a sentence or two. As evident by this blog, I’ve got WAAAAYYYY too much wisdom to dish out. But I have now come to appreciate this bylaw. Why?? Have you read any of the posts from the annoying chicks you are still friends with bc you’re afraid if you de-friend them they will put a dead bird on ur porch??? Guys, permission to speak freely and for all of you… Girls, we don’t give a shit about the healthy meal you ate today bc your trying to lose weight. So don’t post a picture of it. We don’t care. O, and guess what?? Losing 5 pounds isn’t hard. Please do let me know when you finally get the scratch for the boob job tho. Thanks! We also could care less about the mean person at your work who made you sad. In fact, we’d probably buy them a beer if we could. We also don’t care about how tough your class schedule is this semester. You’re 26. If your not in law school or studying to become a doctor, just f*ckin graduate already!!! Perhaps the best reason Twitter wins is for sports knowledge. Before ESPN started punishing their reporters for tweeting big stories before they broke (Stanman, WTF???) I knew everything before my friends did. It also gave us great entertainment when Jayson Stark would tweet MLB trivia questions. Instead of doing our jobs, we would be trying to figure out who the only player to win 4 batting titles was. Sorry ex-bosses, but me, Tierney and Temp rarely did work on Tuesdays from 9am-11am. It’s also great to follow your favorite radio personalities, like Preston n Steve and the crew from 97.5 the Fanatic. Seriously, if you still listen to WIP, you’re either old or dumb…or both. There is one thing that Facebook beats Twitter out on… Spring Break photos. Don’t judge, I never had a spring break. My spring break consisted of being cooped up with the baseball team in florida where we weren’t allowed to leave our hotel… or so our coaches thought. If your ever in Bradenton, I highly recommend the Paper Moon. Gotta love the spring break pics tho. Prolly the only reason I still have a fbook account.

That and promoting some Piping Hot D of course! Speaking of which, we hope to see all the Dbags and D-Vaas next week at the Manayunk Brew Pub on May 12!!!

A Long Journey

I feel like I start all my blogs with this sentence, but it truly has been awhile!!! But this time I have an excuse despite sheer laziness/Sunday Night HBO programming. As only a select few of my cronies know, these past 2 months have been the most trying of my life. It has truly been a test of not only my physical stamina, but also my emotional and mental toughness. It’s said that the holidays can be the most stressful time of the year. And this year, on Christmas Eve, I realized something that deep down, I’ve known for the past 3 years.
It all started at the annual Hoban Christmas Eve party. The night started like any other late December festivity. The Eagles’ season came to a crashing hault, 5PM mass in Mt Airy, then off to the family shindig with mom and dad as my Holiday DD’s. Everyone knows that when you turn 21, you are legal to drink. However, there is always that 2-3 years span where even though the great US of A says that you are allowed to take as many funnels to the face as you want, adults always look at you like you’re an alcoholic (let me live for like 5 minutes). However, at 25, I can have as many BLs as I want on a holiday as long as I have a ride and nobody cares. I’d just finished my roast beef/provolone sandwich complete with GMOM’s salad, momma cole slaw, and healthy portion of lasagna (Irish side of the family if you didn’t figure that out yet). I then retired to the lavatory to make some adjustments. THEN, there it was…. Something I’ve feared for years since my playing days at the Stagdome have ended… a scale. I figured, “why not, lets see what the slophouse is tipping the scales at these days.” Tap the scale, see the zeros appear, annnnnnnd mount. YIKES!!!!!!!! 228.3????? HOLY SHIT! The nickname of Slophouse was no longer a reference to my penchant Jack n Cokes, fights with inflatable football players, and frighteningly accurate MJ Thriller dance moves. I am officially a FATASS.

Leave me alone. I dont wanna see anyone...

Now I am not saying that everyone who is 228.3lbs is fat. But when you used to go into the year at 192 and you’re 6ft (ok, 5’11’’ and a half) this is a problem. Especially when you play bass in a bitchin band and your main responsibility is to what??? We’ve talked about this people! LOOK GOOD ON STAGE!!! I realized at this point that something had to change. I felt like the Italian Stallion in Rocky 3. I’d been carried for most of my career, but now I was beaten. Knocked out by Clubber Lang laying face down on the canvass. And then there he was. Sir Charles himself talking about WeightWatchers. My Apollo Creed (no, we did not share a random homo-erotic sprint on the beaches of California, but that’s besides the point).

Yes, I got sold and sucked in immediately. Lose Like a Man??? I can do that. Why not? So I got out the plastic and signed up for 3 months. Now I’m not gonna waste anymore time talking about all the different food I ate and the workouts I did, so let me just say this- Sir Charles don’t lie. It may be “turrrible” not to slop Chipotle twice a week, but this shit works. But again, this isn’t a weight-loss diary cuz that would be way too much work and its been a pain in the ass enough recording every grain I’ve put into my body for the past 2 months. Instead, this is me venting after 2 months about what absolutely SUCKS about being on a diet. So if you are considering going on one, Godspeed and best of luck but be prepared for…

1) CHEESE- lets get one thing straight. I LOVE CHEESE. On everything. Now yes, you can eat cheese on WW, but not like I do. I need cheese for 3 squares a day. And now??? TWICE A DAY??? Horsehit! Luckily I found that if I get a Cold Cut Combo at subway sans cheese, but just load on every single type of condiment imaginable, everybody wins.

2) The Super Bowl- The Giants played the Patriots, The Giants won, nobody wanted to go out, I had 3 buffalo wings. Awful on multiple levels.


3) WARDROBE- I know, yes, it is a good feeling when you’re on a diet and your clothes start feeling bigger. However, it does not feel good when you’re walking around and you start to look like Lil Wayne crypt-walking from stage left to stage right. Your front button sags below your belt and you look like a goddamn Mac Miller impersonator (is he serious or is he a parody??? Somebody let me know). One good thing was that the 36 waist black jeans I bought to look tight and “rocker” don’t actually suffocate me anymore. Bad news is that everything I got for xmas is now irrelevant. The fantastic white button-up my parents got me makes me look like the Stay-Puffed Marshmellow Man took roids and stopped working out.

4) Post Work Routine Ruined – I’m not gonna get too graphic on this one, but I used to enjoy coming home, throwing off the coat, and heading to my throne. Nowadays, well, you get the point. My routine is completely thrown off. That is unless I save up some points and hit up a Mexican restaurant on a random night. Then I’m in deeeep trouble. During work is the same. I used to have 2 designated breaks during the day to unwind, fire up some Angry Birds and read the latest blurbs about a possible Guns n Roses reunion. Now I just get bored and my legs go numb while I am forced to listen to co-workers enjoying their breaks. Its just inhuman.

5) People Who Notice- Again, this should be a good thing when people notice that you are shedding pounds. You know what isn’t good??? When all those people are dudes!!! 2 months and the only female who noticed and said something was my roommate’s girlfriend. Yeah….fail.

6) Alcohol- Other than giving up real beer, adjusting the booze intake hasn’t been too bad. The bad part is that I used to prepare for a night out with a slop-show meal. Usually a cheesesteak, pizza, or delicious Chicken Cacciatore with a side of pasta. Nowadays, a nice little egg white omelet with mushrooms and yes, cheese. Hypothesis- I will get drunk pretty quickly. Result- I get drunk extremely quick and I have a massive hangover the next day. Luckily for me, Subway in West Chester stays open till 3am on the weekends. Thanks Jared!

So in summary, I stopped eating like a complete douche (God I miss college), I actually go to the gym now (a big thank you to the girls rockin the yoga pants on the treadmills), and I now put my beverages on the ground next to my recliner since I can no longer rest them on the quarter-keg that used to be my tummy. It has been an experience for sure, but it’s not over yet. 1 more month to go on my subscription, and then….

THIS HELL GETS TO END AND I CAN EAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!! MARK IT DOWN FOLKS. MARCH 29TH, CHINA BUFFET IN PLYMOUTH MEETING. I’M CLOSING THAT BITCH AND YOU’RE INVITED!!! YOU BRING THE BEERS, I’LL BRING THE FUNNEL…FOR THE HOT N SOUR SOUP.

BRING ON 2012, WITH CAUTION!!!

Well, 2011 has come and is about to pass. I’d like to thank all the folks who have come out to our shows this past year. Whether you liked us or not, I appreciate your presence cuz theres nothing worse than playing to an empty room. I was in an original band before so trust me, I know how miserable that can be. All in all, 2011 was a great year for us D-Bags. But rather than make you nauseous by naming all the great things that have happened this year and saying how blessed I am to have all this and all that, I’ll leave that bullshit to the annoying broads on facebook. So here’s a list of the things I REALLY hope we don’t see in 2012:



Flo Must Go, and take the Hamsters with ya!

I’ve always disliked the Progressive Insurance commercials. Initially, it was bc of their annoying jingles. That was until they introduced Flo. I dream to have those jingles back now. Flo is about as cool as AIDS, and I’m not talking about Magic Johnson AIDS. I’m talking Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, sitting on the witness stand with Denzel strolling around the courtroom full-blown AIDS. Get rid of her now. That goes for the KIA hamsters too. Small hamsters in cages running on circular treadmills is cute. Giant, fat hamsters driving ugly cars and dancing to LMFAO are annoying and stupid to the 10th degree. My dream commercial idea, and I’m looking at you right now Xbox- Halo 4 is coming out next year. Just like the current KIA commercial, start the ad out with the fat hamsters dancing to Party Rock with a bunch of alien robots. Have Master Chief walk up to them , start dancing, then murk them all with his dual-wielding plasma rifles. Top it off with Arbiter decapitating the last hamster with his sword. Go to black. Sales will quadruple.


Dan LeBatard is Highly Questionable

This is hands down the worst show on TV right now. When I used to watch PTI religiously, it would ruin my night to find out that Dan LeBatard was filling in for Kornheiser. The guy just radiates doucheiness. But giving him his own show??? Come on ESPN, you’re better than that. All his show consists of is him and his father sitting on a TV set made to look like a kitchen while they talk about sports topics. Here’s the problem tho. Not only does his dad know absolutely nothing about sports, but you cant understand a word he says bc hes straight off the boat Hispanic. Couple that in with all the awkward silences that ensue due to their lack of knowledge, and its more uncomfortable for the viewer than that first date you went on in middle school. You know, the one where you take the girl who’s clearly out of your league to a movie, throw the arm around her, but begin to lose feeling in the arm due to the unwise position you chose. Now what do you do? Do you squirm and adjust, do you man up and leave it alone, or do u go for broke and initiate the “over the line” makeout session that will give you an opportunity to make that little adjustment and restore feeling to your bicep. Either way, the show is terrible and needs to get canceled.

The Kardasians:

I get it, it takes no talent to become famous anymore and theres a billion reality shows on now, but this is getting completely out of hand. I like to refer to the 3 sisters as “Pig-Nose,” “Amazon Woman”, and “Ass.” I give Bruce Jenner credit for not blowing his head off years ago. It’s one thing if your own daughters turn out to be whooo-ORES, but willingly staying with them when you are clearly more talented and important takes balls. And who is this colossal prick who is on-again off-again with Pig-Nose all the time? Everytime I walk into WAWA and look at the tabloid covers, hes on there apparently cheating or whatnot. Stop flirting with the EJECT button bro. Hit the switch, watch the canopy, and make sure the green smoke comes out so coast guard can find you. And by coast guard I mean any dumb chick at a bar who watches this crap and knows who you are. And what is wrong with Lamar Odom??? Maybe he saw the NBA strike coming and needed to up his celebrity status, but come on man. You’re a star athlete and you’ve broken not 1, but 2 golden rules: not only did you get married, but you married an ogre. Shame on you. The only positive thing about this show is that I get to stare at Kim’s bodacious bubble-butt for a whole 30 minutes…. Eskimotube only has her for 15 minutes in night-vision, and thanks to Ray J, you can barely get a good shot. Selfish bastard.

The NBA-
…….Dammit. Lost that battle already.

How to Make it in America-
BOOM!!! Score one for the good guys. That show was crap. GAME OF THRONES in 2012 BABAAYYYY!!!

Girls taking pictures of themselves in the mirror-
Taking a pic of yourself and a friend is acceptable. Even taking one of yourself is tolerable in small doses. But repeatedly posting a pic of yourself in the mirror with the camera phone in the shot is tacky and kinda sad. Get over yourself.

Girls unrelentingly posting about how great their boyfriend is-
I should state this more clearly. I don’t have a problem with a girl liking her boyfriend. But guys, how do you allow this behavior to continue. I’m happy that your woman isn’t two-timing you and LOOOOOVES YOUUUUU SOOOOO MUUUUUCH, but honestly no one on facebook needs to be reminded of this every single day. Special occasions, knock yourself out. Anniversary, go for it. But every single day during the month of June when there is literally no special holiday, NO. I urge my fellow gentlemen to stop these posts immediately.

Foursquare
Creeping used to be an art form. You check out the cute girl from class’ facebook photos in stealth mode, figure out her personality, check the old AOL away messages to find out her usual hangouts, then you make your move for the planned “random run-in.” Foursquare ruins this. Telling everyone where you are at every moment in the day just isn’t as fun. And honestly, its pretty dangerous. It attracts stalkers, and Stalking is completely different than Creeping. Creeping is gathering info on a prospective female and giving yourself an advantage to move in. Stalking is mental instability.


HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AT ALIBI’S IN WEST CHESTER TONIGHT FOR A “HOT D” NYE CELEBRATION. SHOW STARTS AT 10, THE FUNNELS START AT 8.

HAPPY NEW YEAR D-Bags and D-Vaas!!!

-Brogan

Breakfast of Champions

In a previous entry, I described some of the Do's and Dont's of performing a live show. Many things go into the preparation. Nowadays most original bands will churn out about an hour set. If they actually are semi-famous or headlining a major show, maybe an hour and a half. If they came out before 1998, they might even go 2 hours. Now being in a cover band on the other hand, 2 hours only gets you to halftime. It is very important to make sure one has plenty of energy to perform and keep up the facade of pretending to be a rockstar, as fun a game as it is. And a good pre-show meal is a big part of that.

Now what goes into a good pre-show meal you ask??? Chinese food??? I already squashed that idea previously. Cajun??? While the grub at Bourbon Blue is nothing short of fabulous, dining on Catfish with a spicy cajun sauce 45 mins before you hit the stage is a recipe for disaster (as i found out 3 weeks ago). Cold Cut Combo from Subway...not a bad choice, but not the best either. A sure fire "go-to" in order to energize oneself and provide the much needed beer-base for the tummy is CEREAL. I recently began thinking, with the help of my good friends and faithful D-bags DJ Dyelaaaan and Peter "Powder" Allen, of my favorite cereals.

GOLDEN GRAHAMS sprinkled with LUCKY CHARMS MARSHMELLOWS- Not only is it important to choose a tasty cereal, but you always have to take into consideration the "post-game milk." This combo makes it delicious. The combination of the crunchy grahams with the soft and chewy Mc-Candy make it a must for aspiring dipsetters (Webster's defines "Dipsetters" as "those capable of or possessing the ability to dipset").

COCOA PUFFS w/ CHOCOLATE ZICO- a favorite of Powder's, this concoction is straight FIRE!!! If you dont know what Chocolate ZICO is, then three things:
A) GROW UP
B) Stop staying in on Friday nights playing Angry Birds and go to the bar (it does wonders for hangovers, seriously)
C) Go to Malvern Pizza or the cafeteria at De Lage Landen and try one.
It's Coconut Water that is basically the equivalent of healthy chocolate milk. "Basically" being the key word. I prefer to mix it with COCOA KRISPIES since I still consider myself a child and I like listening to the snap crackle and pops that ensue. I heard Pete once made a bowl of these, mixed it with half a rack of BL's, and hit the bar. He was later seen wandering the streets of NYC screaming in a Spartan accent "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?!"

WHEATIES- ................. just kidding, we're trying to be rockstars here, not world-class athletes. This stuff tastes like Grade-A dogshit and doesnt even make noise when you pour milk in it. And unless General Mills decided to add some HGH to the recipe, or you mix it with the Clear instead of milk, its not gonna do a damn thing to help you hit the curveball or run faster. If you want to be a professional athlete, then forgo your childhood, practice 10 hours a day, take steroids, deny taking steroids, win an MVP, then admit to taking steroids after everyone stops caring about you. Cant wait to see you on 60 Minutes Mr. Braun!!!

And now for the grandaddy of em all. This is the mandatory meal for that show where the people never show up till the 2nd set, if at all. That's right folks, I'm talkin about the dreaded "AWKWARD 1st SET." This is the set where you have to act like you are enthused when in actuality your playing to a bunch of squeebs that would rather be sitting in the balcony at a ColdPlay show. And no, WE ARE NOT GOING TO TRY AND HELP YOU GET LAID BY PLAYING "CLOCKS" FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! In addition to some suave shades, it is important to battle the disarm the AWKWARD 1st SET by consuming a nice big bowl of....

SHARK SMACKS w/ A FLOATER- or as i like to call it, the GOLDEN GOOSE. The recipe is simple. Pour a generous portion of Honey Smacks into bowl. Fill said bowl with 18 oz of crisp, delicious LandShark Lager. Immediately drop to one knee and chug the remaining 6 oz of said LandShark. And finally, top it off with a floater of Cuervo Tequilla. Not only will it free your mind and enable you to forget about the empty dance floor in front of you, but it will make you think of summer. We used to make these all the time during the yearly Labor Day celebration, but Pete started hiding all of my LandSharks behind his bed at the beach house. "What's that Kess??? We're out of beer??? Did u check behind Powder's bed???"

(ii/:-)

Steve Buscemi...Certified Baller

I've been on hiatus for a bit, and for that i apologize to the 4 or 5 faithful readers of mine. It's been tough lately to find inspiration since all we hear about these days are crooked politicians, NCAA sex scandals, and annoying hipsters occupying every city in America because they got tired of listening to the latest live Phish/DMB CDs. If you want my thoughts on the whole OCCUPY bullshit, just click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd2ts8sQ1iE

As i sit in my throne pondering my next topic, my roommate flicks on Boardwalk Empire. I dont watch it cuz I'm too busy watching your friendly neighborhood serial killer and HOMELAND on Sunday nights, but i plan on it eventually. Anyways, Steve Buscemi popped on the screen of course, and it got me thinking...this guy is the man! I started thinking about my favorite roles of his, which i'm going to share with you. I havent seen all his movies, so this is my personal list. So without further ado, the best of Steve Buscemi:


5) The Big Lebowski - Donny

Yeah, he barely says a word the whole movie, but he's great because of John Goodman and the Dude. "I am the Walrus...I am the Walrus." "Shut the f*ck up Donny!!! Vladmir Lenin!!!" Enough said.

4) The Wedding Singer - Drunk Dude at the Wedding

Another perfect role for him. Who hasnt wanted to grab the guitar from the wedding band and start strumming nonsense during the toast. "Remember that time in Mexico when we went out with those...well i guess they were prostitutes but i dont remember paying." GOLD!

3) Armageddon - Rockhound

I dont care what anyone says or how i cant stand Ben Affleck, but every time this movie is on I watch it till the end, mainly because of Rockhound. "You wanna get in my head, go for it. I have a PhD from MIT. Why do i do what i do? Cuz the money's good and they let me use explosives!" High point has to be when they're on the asteroid and Rockhound just starts firing the massive machine gun at the surface. If i was gonna go out, why not get to use a $50 million dollar gun before i do. And i dont know about you, but if the world asked me to rocket up to a massive rock going a bagillion miles an hour towards Earth, there's no way in hell I'm paying taxes ever again either!

2) Resevoir Dogs - Mr. Pink

Tarantino's first big score, this movie isn't for everybody, but its for everybody who has taste in movies. It's vintage Buscemi, a squirrelly scumbag who has an opinion on everything and isnt afraid to share it. There's nothing better than hearing Mr Pink explain his take on tipping and how he refuses to do it. "You see this, this is the world's smallest violin playing especially for the waitresses." SPOILER ALERT: Its also too fitting that he hides like a little bitch during the final firefight and grabs the money and bolts. Classic!!!

1) Con Air - Garland Greene

When i was a young buck, Father Brogan and i would partake in what we called "Guy's Weekend." At my current age of 25, this term would entail heading to Seacrets, partying from 10AM - 3AM, and hoping to wake up with your phone and sheets dry. However at the tender age of 10, this meant mom was down the shore and dad would let me rent R-Rated action movies that we would watch together. We took in classics like The Rock, Face-Off, and Under Siege (luckily for me dad fell asleep 20 minutes in, thus enabling me to catch Erika Eleniak pop out of the cake) Con Air is another example of something I will watch no matter what part i catch it on TV. It's usually on Encore every other month. The plot is ridiculous, it's probably Nick Cage's worst acting job, but throw in Buscemi, John Malkovich and Ving Rhames and its hard to miss the point. Anyways, this is by far my favorite role of Buscemi's. He's a wacko serial killer, but somehow i have no problem with him being the only one who gets away at the end. "Define irony, bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song that was made famous by a band that died in a plane crash." To this day, i refuse to listen to Sweet Home Alabama on a jet.

Until next time...